Bully: The Emotional Impact of Being a Victim of Bullying

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When I was younger, I thought that bullying would be a thing of the past. Simply because I couldn’t imagine any child going through what I endured, let alone go through even worse. Bullying during the 1980s and ’90s was merely looked at as “kids being kids” and not a serious problem.

When someone bullied you in school, the response was to stand up for yourself. Don’t be a punk. Let them know who’s boss. And while some adults would step in, most of them either turned a blind eye or did little to help the situation.

Today, more and more kids are experiencing bullying from all angles. Thanks to social media, what starts in school can linger into after-school programs and even your own home.

And children are starting to see more depression symptoms. Suicide rates are beginning to go up. According to Pacer’s National Bullying Prevention Center, bullied students are 2.2 times more likely to have suicidal thoughts and 2.6 times more likely to attempt suicide than those not victims.

There are three types of bullying:

• Social bullying – occurs when someone’s relationship with others is affected in a hurtful way. This could be through spreading rumors, an embarrassment in front of others, or leaving someone out of the circle on purpose.
• Physical bullying – occurs when someone causes bodily harm to another. Some prime examples would be spitting, tripping an individual, hitting, kicking, or punching.
• Verbal bullying – occurs when someone says mean and hurtful things towards another. This would include such things as teasing, taunting, verbal threats, or inappropriate comments.

What makes a child target another child to bully

When we think about the typical bully victim, we often think of the nerdy or weird child in school. But a victim of bullying can be anyone. Maybe it’s the nerdy kid with a passion for a favorite subject. The loner kid with a lack of social skills, or perhaps it’s the girl outcasted by her friends.

There’s no set description, and the feeling is the same. Bullying is meant to isolate someone repeatedly and make them feel less of themselves while making the bully feel better about themselves.

In a way, it’s about self-esteem. Self-esteem plays a significant part between both the bully and the bullied. It’s during these times that kids build their confidence within themselves. And for a bully, one way to build theirs is to pick on a weaker child.

Bullies may pick out their victims based on a couple of factors.

They could be due to:

• A disability either physical or mental
• Religion or cultural background
• Vulnerability or smaller in frame
• Sexual orientation
• Race differences
• Isolation or popularity
• Physical appearances

We may not think so, but children do look at these differences, and these differences may be used as a reason to target someone. One of my bullies picked on me because I was always the tallest girl in class, which, in return, caused me to retreat from being social.

It also began to shape what I felt about myself. I began to feel sadder self-conscious about my appearance and feared talking to other students because of their possible reactions. A feeling that many children experience when bullied daily.

And that feeling could make anyone want to stay home from school. As adults, we learn to understand our emotions, and however, as children, we’re still developing that trait. And when a child is bullied daily, not only is it embarrassing for them, but it’s also a lot of overwhelming negativity weighing on their minds.

Bullying has a long-lasting effect on those bullied

One of the main reasons for my depression into adulthood was school bullying when I was younger. There are children in our schools who will experience the same long-lasting effects as I did. If there’s one thing to understand about bullying in school, it can alter a child’s development.

The learning skills developed during a child’s young years are often undeveloped by the effects of bullying. You may hear someone say that words don’t hurt, and however, they do. And hearing negative comments about yourself daily can have a profound effect on how bullied child views themselves.

Harsh teasing and threats can play like a broken record over and over in your child’s mind. And these memories are something that can be pushed down but never erased. I still remember a lot of the negative words said about me.

The long-lasting effects bullying has on a child

• Low self-esteem and confidence
• Anxiety and depression
• Social isolation
• Lack of social skills/cues
• Difficulty making friends or keeping relationships
• Increased thoughts of suicide
• Poor motivational skills, inability to believe in oneself
• Substance abuse
• Post-traumatic stress disorder
• Inability to trust others

While some are capable of growing from the situation, many may carry these traits into adulthood.

As an adult now, my social interactions with others are still affected. Many times, my anxiety gets in the way of talking to others. And the conversations I’d hoped would play out in real-time are left sitting in my mind. It has been a struggle to get friends and keep them.

Being a victim of bullying

Like depression, bullying is that silent attacker that may not be noticed right away. Unless the victim speaks up many times, it can go unnoticed. And they continue to endure the shame of being the laughingstock in school.

I was bullied from 2^nd grade until 12^th grade, when it finally calmed down. I remember in those years, and I never told anyone about what I experienced daily. Especially my parents. I figured they had enough to worry about with bills, affording to feed us and my brother and sister, and I didn’t want to be a burden.

And I’m sure many children out there have felt the same way. When you’re bullied as a child, you do feel alone because you’re being picked on, and you don’t understand why it’s happening to you. “Why are you being pointed out by all the other kids in school?”

Victims of bullying often feel alone, unworthy, and as though the situation is never going to change.

That can weigh heavy on the heart. While there may be adults around to talk to, a child may not feel comfortable talking about it. They may think that if they speak to an adult, they may experience further isolation. And that could lead to harsher bullying.

As the saying goes, “don’t be a tattletale.” So someone bullied may rather deal with it than say anything.

What can you do to help your child through bullying

As much as we’d love to see an end to it, it’s a long road ahead. Yet that doesn’t mean we can’t start somewhere. Like most things, one of the most important things is knowing the signs and knowing when there’s a change in your child, even if it’s not noticeable right away.

Here are some signs to look for if you suspect your child is being bullied

• Isolating themselves from their peers
• Unexplained injuries
• A change in their eating and sleeping habits
• Fear of going to school/Faking an illness
• Spending less or more time on their phone, computer, or tablet
• Loss of friends
• Irritable attitude or less talkative
• A change in their grades or dropping out from school activities

The change in their presence can also be a big giveaway that something may be wrong. Often, a cheerful child’s behavior may drop to a sadder position. Or you may find them more irritable when it comes to chats about school or friends.

So it was no shock to me when my mom told me she noticed that something was wrong. I walked with my head down more and didn’t want to participate in any events in school.

How can you prevent your child from becoming a victim

As much as parents wish to, you can’t be there every moment of the day. However, there are ways you can change the cycle. Although bullying has been around probably since the beginning of time, it’s never too late.

Encourage your child

Find ways to keep your child on a positive track. Although they may need to stick up for themselves, which will come in time, try to combat those negative thoughts with positive ones.

By taking the time to remind them how special they are, you contribute to their confidence. Start their day off with some positive words such as “I believe in you” or “you’re gonna do great today.” And be sure to send them off to bed in a positive way too.

Instilling words of encouragement is like a force field against negativity. And the stronger the confidence, the more chance of not becoming a victim. We have to remember that it’s not going to happen overnight.

Speak to their teachers and school faculty

I know what you’re probably thinking. It’s been done before with little change. Of course, that’s not in every school. But we’ve all heard the stories of faculty turning away or school mishandlings of bullying.

However, it’s still an excellent way to prevent bullying. Try scheduling a sit-down with your child’s bully, teacher, and principal. And if possible, the bully’s parents. By having an open dialogue about the issues occurring, the process can begin.

Communication is such a helpful tool. By giving a voice to the situation, you’re letting your child know that it’s okay to speak up.

Become involved and educate

There’s nothing more powerful than education. Many schools have anti-bullying events or meetings for parents, and you may start by attending one or two. Or, if your child’s school doesn’t have one, maybe gather some PTA members and create one.

Aside from attending events, there are other ways to educate yourself on bullying. Recently I watched a documentary on Netflix called Bully. It follows the stories of three children, all different ages and their lives as bullied children. And it gives you some real insight into the emotional effects a bullied child goes through daily.

There are also now anti-bullying laws that now take action when it comes to bullying. You can learn more about your state’s bullying laws here.

One of the things I wished was in my school was the push for anti-bullying rules, events, and laws. I know I wasn’t alone, and many of us could’ve benefited from someone standing up for us back then. I’m sure I would’ve spoken up if there was more of a presence when I was growing up.

Conclusion

We’ve spent many years looking at bullying as a simple child’s play. And while most adults have left them to figure it out for themselves, they have developed long-lasting effects.

As we continue to educate and prevent bullying from happening, we can uplift our young population along the way.

Growing up a product of bullying, I learned a lot of the basics of socializing in my adult years. I’ve just started to become a little more comfortable communicating with strangers. But it doesn’t have to be that way for others.

If you noticed the signs of a bullied child, whether they’re your own or not, please don’t be afraid to say something. Let them know that they’re not alone. That there’s nothing wrong with them. I know it would’ve gone a long way if someone had done that for me, and I’m sure it will with others.

Now that I’ve shared some of my stories let’s hear from you. Were you a victim of bullying? Were you a bully? How did you manage to overcome being bullied or the bully? Leave a comment down below. And don’t forget to sign up for the newsletter for updates, features, and more.

Until next time, this is Tammy saying keep strong, keep positive. And NOTHING’s Impossible!!!