The earth is filled with millions of people, all wanting to find that significant other that they wish to spend their life with or in this current time have a nice relationship with. And the process that brings that to light is dating someone that draws your attraction, that you are infatuated with from that certain laugh or smile to that certain eye color or that straight up bombshell of a body.
We can’t help but be attracted to others. But what happens when attraction sets in but your shyness overpower you? And how does one overcome this debilitating emotion?
If there’s one thing I know about dating is that I know nothing about dating. In all the years of living on this planet, I’ve only been approached for a date twice, one was a prank you may say and the other wasn’t really an “asking on a date”. Don’t ask! But the reason I’ve never been on a date is mainly that I’m shy. And with my shyness comes my anxiety. The two of them together in front of a guy I like is a disaster waiting to happen. Recently, I thought about asking my current crush out on a date but after the trembling on the inside and the awkward pause I made during our conversation, I had mustered up just enough courage to tell him that he was my crush.
I’m not alone in this crippling feeling. There are many out there who have yet to go on their 1st date because of this emotion of shyness. The sweaty palms, the rapid heartbeat, the rambling thoughts inside your head, it can all be overwhelming. And through all of that, you’re expected to get up enough nerve to approach someone you like and ask those 6 little words “Will you go out with me.” Talk about scary. There’s nothing like that feeling overcoming your body and pretty much paralyzing your words.
Then you look like a complete fool or feel like an idiot because your mind felt it was okay to leave the situation incomplete. Unfortunately, 90% of the time, shy people never really try and they’re left with regrets of the “what ifs”.
“What if I had just asked?”
“I wondered what they would’ve said.”
“That could’ve been me.”
And while those who have found the ability to shake off the nerves always give the advice of “You gotta be confident”, it’s easier said than done. There’s no switch to turn off the shyness or a magic word to say. Trust me, I wish there was. And while we live in the era of online dating with multiple apps such as Match, Hinge, Tinder (careful with this one lol), and others, even online dating can prove to be a difficult process.
Over some years I have tried my fair share of online dating sites and apps. I’ve filled out my profiles based on the helpful hints given, searched through the multiple profiles of men, and have had my share of replies back, although not many. But even though our connections were shielded behind devices, I couldn’t help but to show my shyness through my words. The experience in dating even on that platform just wasn’t there.
And the mere thought of meeting someone in person raised my anxiety even more. I never thought that I’d be this way my entire life. Growing up, I thought that once you hit high school, you were all set to have your first boyfriend or in some people’s cases, girlfriend. But I was definitely in for a rude awakening when I observed what they call the art of dating, surrounded me. It was all about approaching the person you like and waiting for a yes or no answer. And I along with all the shy teens were left out because we didn’t have the confidence to step to the plate.
Now in no way am I knocking shyness. We all experience things differently and shyness is not a curse and shouldn’t be treated as such. Like many learned behaviors, it’s something that at some point in life elevated to the stature it is for me and others. But in the long run, it’s about gathering enough courage to push down all those deep down feelings to go for what you want. And what everyone wants is to find that one, shyness or not.
I think the good thing about living in the world we do is that there are services that can help the shy overcome that step of anxiety and backing out from confronting that cute guy or girl we’ve fantasized about. Life coaches, a trusted friend or family member, even a dating service can help the shy find a common ground. What I like about dating services and life coaches is that they coach you through these situations, helping you gain that confidence from what I’ve been told. It’s always a plus to try and improve on yourself. And who knows??? Maybe finding that special one for me could mean using my shyness to my advantage.
Although I didn’t ask my crush out on a date and believe me I wanted to, I think overcome my shyness to at least tell him how I felt was the first step for me towards getting comfortable in asking someone out. Afterward, I actually felt good about doing so. Now that doesn’t mean my shyness was erased but as I said, it’s a start. And really when you look at the grand plan, it’s truly all about coming out of that comfort zone. We yearn to be liked and accepted.
What better feeling than to receive that from that special guy or girl that could lead to an endless life together. I too need to follow my own advice and that of so many others around me. You only have 1 life. It can be extremely scary and paralyzing. But practice makes perfect and I say if you’re willing then so am I. Don’t let that potential someone float by because of shyness and fear. Shoot your shot!!!
Until next time this is Tammy saying keep strong, keep positive and nothing’s impossible!!!
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