Teenage Self-harm: The Silent Physical Scars That No One Sees

Would you recognize if your teen were doing self-harm? Growing up, I used to think that my depression was never that bad that I’d harm myself. I had seen all the ABC afterschool specials about mental health, and people like me were rarely portrayed.

So, I thought self-harm was not something Black people did to themselves. I was definitely wrong. Self-harm has no barriers and can happen to anyone. When you’re stuck in a depressive state of mind, anything is possible. And the thoughts of harming yourself or ending it all are always on your mind.

Many people in my life don’t know this but my self-harm occurred when I was thirteen years old. When you’re bullied daily, it feels like there’s no relief in sight. My entire time in school was a never-ending cycle of verbal abuse from others, whether it was kids or adults.

And when I couldn’t take it anymore, I’d disappear in silence only to come back to reality with a new scar. My parents had no clue and the day that I finally told my mom was after I completed therapy at twenty-eight years old. For my father, well if he reads this then it’s now.

Unfortunately, there are many teenagers out there who turn to self-harm and the reasons vary. Oftentimes those around them never know it is happening because depression has a way of putting a façade on for others. And that means masking your scars.

So how can you recognize if your teen is self-harming themselves? Let’s take a look at a few things about it.

How to recognize when someone is performing self-harm

The thought of a loved one self-harming can be scary to anyone. While it’s not the act of ending yourself, it can be seen as a possible attempt. Self-harm occurs when someone’s depression or anxiety hits an all-time high of negative thoughts and emotions. It is a form of hurting oneself on purpose.

For those who proceed to harm themselves, they look at it as a way to release any painful emotions they may be feeling. I definitely can relate because when I couldn’t deal with the overwhelming negative feelings of the day, it was my way to release myself.

Although the most common act of self-harm is cutting, there are other types as well such as:

• Punching or hitting oneself (this can include knocking your head or other parts of the body against a hard surface)
• Picking at existing scabs or wounds
• Inflicting pain through burning
• Pulling out strands of hair
• Carvings in the skin
• Bruising or breaking bones

These are just to name a few. Usually, the act of harming oneself will occur in their teenage years just like me. And it can run into adulthood just like me. There is no timeframe for self-harm. While some can inflict pain for many years, others will do so a few times before stopping.

And some may have a reoccurring act of self-harm. My cutting lasted, off and on, for seven years before I was able to get myself help. Although all the scars on my hands have healed, I still have the mental reminder of what I had done.

I also never told anyone until after I had received help for my mental health. unfortunately, some never tell because like everything with mental health, the stigma of self-harming exists.

The damaging stigma and symptoms of self-harm

Because we live in such a society that frowns and attacks anything different, there’s no shock that a stigma still exists about those who self-harm. The best thing that’s currently happening is that more teenagers are starting to feel comfortable recognizing their mental health as something real.

However, stigmas still remain and as we continue to push forth information and stories, there are still many teens who opt not to talk about self-harm. Why? Well having this stigma on self-harm creates a feeling of shame and embarrassment within the person and those around them. And because of this, it makes it more difficult to ask for help for a person who’s self-harming.

This will only make them feel even more alone than usual. And in some cases, lead to something far worse. I always felt embarrassed hours after what I had done to myself because I knew that if my parents were to find out or I told anyone, I would more than likely be yelled at for what I had done. It wouldn’t lead to getting help but rather being told not to do it again.

Not to mention, if it was found out at school, it would be something else to be bullied about. Having a stigma around self-harm and mental health contributes to the isolation of those in need. It doesn’t aid in getting someone assistance and putting them on the right path.

Instead, by shaming and having someone outcast for their self-inflicted scars, we as a society have let that person down. Also setting them up for an outcome that many of us wouldn’t want to see for anyone.

But if you’re different than others then there are some symptoms to look out for such as:

• Avoidance of those around or relationship issues
• Unexplained recurring injuries such as burns and cuts
• Concealing their body or refusing to show skin in certain areas
• Low self-esteem
• Lack of ability to function at school or home
• Dodging concerning questions
• Saying they feel helpless, worthless, or hopeless

What are some ways to help your teenager who self-harm

Instantly wanting to help someone after seeing the symptoms is understandable. But what can you do to help someone dealing with a self-harming issue?

1. Offer personal and professional help

Once you’ve noticed a few warning signs, now is your time to provide a comfortable environment for them to talk. Approach them with the understanding and presence that you’re there to listen and help. And try to stay away from blaming them, making them feel embarrassed and feeling as though they can’t open up to you. You can also offer to help them find a therapist or group that they’ll feel more comfortable talking to for help.

2. Create alternatives for their self-harm

Become proactive and start researching productive ways that your teen can process their emotions better. An art project, interest class, or maybe even taking up a sport or a hobby are ways that they can channel those hurtful emotions into something positive. Also, you can look up personal growth courses and support groups for teens that will help them place those emotions someplace else.

3. Let them know that they’re not alone yet don’t be overprotective

As a parent, the first thing you’d want to do is to watch their every move. You’d probably want to make sure that they’re not self-harming again or feeling depressed. Well, unfortunately, they’re going to feel that way as they work their way towards getting better. Being an overprotective parent will only delay their progress and make them feel confined. Instead, give them some breathing room by checking on them daily but leaving interactions to a moderate rate.

4. Become an advocate for your teen’s mental health

It’s one thing to just send your teen off to a therapist and wait for a fix. But standing up for their mental health is a better option. Don’t shy away from learning more about the reasons why they turned to self-harm, to begin with. While learning more about their depression, you can start your path of becoming the support team they’ll need. There are books, online articles, and Facebook parent groups that can aid you in becoming a better supporter of your teen. It also shows them that you have an invested interest in their mental health and them getting better.

As a parent, you have to remember that the journey of your teenager managing their mental health is not an isolated thing. Healing from self-harm is a group effort, with them doing the hard work and you backing them up and catching them when they fall. I don’t know what would’ve happened had I told my parents in the beginning but I do know that if I did, I would have their support no matter what.

Conclusion

Mental health is something that we still find difficult to talk about and self-harm is a part of that difficulty. With the right help and work, I was able to stay self-harm free for twelve years and going. But I still can remember those days when I never thought I’d make it past a certain teenage age.

Once your teen starts to channel that urge to inflict injury on themselves into something more productive and positive, it will start to subside.

There are ways to overcome self-harm and manage their emotions that assist with harming. With the proper help, support behind them, and the readiness to get better, the skies will be the limit.

If you are anyone you know needs help, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, at 1(800)-273-TALK or visit their website.

If you ever feel the need to talk to someone and learn more, feel free to email me. Also, share your thoughts about this post in the comments below.

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Until next time, this is Tammy saying keep strong, keep positive. And NOTHING’s Impossible!!!