The Women’s Series – Tall vs. Short (Height Edition) Part 1

Society has a way of having a book full of “unwritten rules”. From marriage to weight to attraction to the breadwinner of the house. We all for the most part have followed these rules without any real questioning as to why. But there’s one rule in this book of “standards” that has affected me more than any other. 

For as long as I can remember, women in society were expected to be a certain height. We are preconditioned to think that a female is supposed to grow no taller than 5’8. Anything taller than that throws people for a loop. There is a sense of discomfort for some reason with the masses despite seeing a growing change in our DNA makeup recently. We are starting to see taller females than normal.

Living in New York City, the mecca of all things diverse, I’m starting to see more often than not, women who fall into the tall category. Even I’m thrown back a bit when I see a female who’s 5’10 and above. To me, it’s always satisfying to see because I had developed this feeling of being the only tall woman in the city. So it’s always refreshing to see someone in the same height range as me. But it’s still a stigma in this country that females are not really tall. We are considered the rare breed so to speak.

Recently, I asked a group of wonderful ladies, all ranging in different heights, their thoughts on this very topic. Here’s what some of the ladies had to say to just the first question alone.

Do you think there’s a society standard for how tall a woman should be? If yes, why do you think that is?

“Yes I do think there is a sort of societal standard for how tall a woman should be. A woman who is between 5’4-5’7 doesn’t get joked about for being tall or for being short, and are considered “average” by society. Why? I’m not sure, honestly. It doesn’t really make any sense to me. Height is subjective so everyone has their own set of standards to what “tall” and “short” is.” – Anna, 5’2, Teacher, Moderator of The Lamb Show on Twitch & Discord

“I don’t know if there is a society standard. I do think that society feels uncomfortable with a woman that is tall and she is not a well-known model or athlete.  My answer could also be biased, as, I am not oppressed daily by my height, because I am not tall.”  – Chic, 5’4, Twitch Streamer

“Yes, I absolutely think that society prefers women to be shorter. If I had to give it a number I’d say 5’7 and below. But generally, it seems that most men prefer a woman shorter than himself. However, it’s also very common for a tall man (over 6’) to also prefer a woman who is shorter than me.” – Cathy Soo, Makeup Artist

And these ladies are not far off from the truth. Women my height, tend to experience some form of bullying throughout their lives from their peers simply because they tower over most of society. I’ve been called “Green Giant” or “Amazon woman” among other demeaning tall references on multiple occasions growing up. If that isn’t bad enough, most men shy away simply because of a sense of intimidation.

From what I’ve gathered, most men tend to feel less adequate, less of a man if they were to be with a taller woman than them because they feel they’re no longer seen as the dominant force of the relationship when in society. And with that, taller women find it that much harder to find the love they’re meant to be with (I’ll be doing a separate blog entry on the dating aspect for tall women in the future). Of course with everything, there’s the exception to the rule. Thank you to those tall seekers out there.

Growing up as a tall woman, I’ve had my unfair share of ridicule and looks of discomfort from others in public places. I remember in 3rd grade I was the tallest girl in my class as well as the entire elementary school. By the 6th grade, I had sprouted up to 5’9 and by the 10th grade, I was 6’0 feet. And throughout my entire growth spurt, I was subjected to being the piece that didn’t fit. Guys made me feel it the most. Always good enough to be the “dude” to hang out with but nothing more.  Even till this day, I get the stares from people expressing either their disbelief that a female could be this tall or their lack of social education that a female could BE this tall.

We’ve grown to associate height with the roles of males and females. The male being tall is seen as masculine, the provider, the protector. The female being short is seen as feminine, the damsel in distress, weaker of the two. But what happens when those so-called roles are reversed? We get the notion that taller females are not feminine enough and are now seen as the opposite despite the natural women’s features and dressing feminine. They now take on the role of proving their ​femininity to those around them.

There have been too many times in my life where I have been called “sir”, “my man”, “that guy” simply because of my height. Now granted, I didn’t dress feminine growing up. It’s only recently that I’ve started to wear a little more female clothing as I become more comfortable with myself. But on the days that I would wear something feminine or did my hair in a long hairstyle, it just didn’t matter. I was too tall to be considered a female at first glance. And I found myself becoming the correction police everywhere I went. It is not fun being mistaken as a male and oftentimes it hurts and is embarrassing, especially in crowded places.

I often question my own self, becoming even more self-conscious of my appearance. It has made for a very uncomfortable life living with my height. I have always been perceived as a male showing blatant disregard for my femininity. It wasn’t until I was 25 years old, that I started to tolerate my own height. It has often been a struggle and met with multiple rejections of growing relationships based on my height. I’m 6’2, the tallest female in my family that I know of. And the world just wasn’t built for someone like me.

In Part 2 of this edition of The Women’s Series, I’ll discuss the obstacles and advantages short and tall women face in everyday life as well as dream heights.

Until next time this is Tammy saying keep strong, keep positive and nothing’s impossible!!!

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