Do the bad statements you say have an effect on a depressed person? I was a child during the times when depression was something that others would say “it’s just a figment of your imagination.” No one wanted to talk about it and if you were a child going through it then it was just a part of growing up.
But what others didn’t know then was the way we handled depression left a traumatizing effect. Today, everywhere we turn, someone is talking about mental health, trying to break this stigma from decades past.
And while we’re still learning that this is more than a figment of our imagination, there are some sayings that still linger. And can be damaging to someone struggling with depression.
Why these statements are considered bad advice for a depressed person
With mental health issues, it’s always best to get help to aid you in getting better. Different forms of therapy, support groups, and communities serve as great resources against depression. Also, family members and friends are helpful to some.
But with that help, comes some responsibility as a supporter and sometimes the things that are said can cause more harm. Now, as a child, I’ve heard some “advice” that made my depression even worse to deal with. However, it wasn’t just during my youth.
I also heard these statements as well. Just like during my childhood, it didn’t help during my difficult times. And I had to learn that not all help is good help. And although it may come from a place of care, there are some statements that can grow the problem for a depressed person.
Bad statements to a depressed person such as:
- Why are you sad all the time?
- You have nothing to be depressed about
- Sorry you’re depressed
- Just smile more and everything will get better
- It’s all just in your head
- You’ll snap out of it eventually
- You don’t look depressed to me
And then there are statements such as these:
- It could be worse
- Stop being so dramatic/Stop feeling sorry for yourself
- I’m sad too but you don’t see me moping around
- It’s all in your head
- There’s others out there going through worse than you
- If you just go out more then you won’t be so depressed
- Life is difficult so you just gotta suck it up
Most of these statements tend to come from family members and friends. And some of them would even say that this is just a little “tough love” or “Stop being so sensitive.” What they don’t realize is that those statements can carry a negative tone that can cause the symptoms of depression and a further relapse.
It could also cause the opposite effect if said at the wrong moment, causing someone to slip deeper into their depression. These types of statements only diminish the feeling that someone is having and could hinder them from seeking further help. And unfortunately, it could lead to self-harm and deeper isolation in some cases.
How some positive statements could have a bad effect on a depressed person
Those negative statements can have a deep impact if said repeatedly. However, there are some positive statements that can also have the same effects.
As we know, positive words, affirmations, and cognitive thinking help lower depression and the negative feelings and thoughts we have. Yet, believe it or not, there are some positive statements that can have a damaging effect as well.
Statements such as:
- You need to think more positively
- You just gotta love yourself more
- Just put it out of your mind
- Things will be better for you tomorrow
- Think of happier things
- You’re not trying hard enough to think positive
- Cheer up/Turn that frown upside down
- I’m here for you if you need me
These statements may seem positive and helpful, but they don’t address their depression. Instead, these types of statements act as a quick band-aid. And when said repeatedly, they too can diminish what someone is going through.
How to turn those bad statements into helpful support for a depressed person
So, what kind of advice can you give? When it comes to helping others with depression, there are some factors that should go into your helpful advice.
Don’t diminish what they’re going through
Remember that they may be struggling with current situations and the last thing you want to do is make them feel as though what they’re feeling isn’t important. Reassure them that their feelings are valid because it’s their experience.
Help them understand that it’s okay to experience what they’re feeling and be that listening ear they need. Show them empathy for their situation and let them know you are there for them.
I’m here for you so how can I help?
Keep the focus on them and their situation
It can be very easy to shift conversations to our own issues. And it can be considered common ground because you may have experienced the same thing. Be aware that at the moment, this is their experience and more than anything, they need someone to listen.
A helpful way to relate to their situation would be to wait for opening cues to chime in with understanding words.
I understand. Do you wanna talk about it more?
Don’t judge or blame them for their depression
Depression is not a choice, and they definitely don’t wish to go through it. Placing blame or judgment on their situation can prevent them from putting their trust in you. They’re looking for someone they can open up to so building trust is important when it comes to giving them the right advice.
This is not your fault so let me help you understand it better
Some supportive statements you could say would be:
- You are so important to me that I don’t know what I’d do without you
- I understand what you’re going through, so how can I help?
- It’s okay to be feeling the way you do
- You’re definitely not alone and I’m here to help you
- Do you need me to do anything for you?
- Would you like me to sit with you for a bit?
- We’re gonna do this together
Conclusion
Wording is everything and the right words could make the biggest impact. Good advice and support are so helpful. And the right delivery when it comes to advice could determine how someone’s recovery can go.
All it takes is some care, understanding, and empathy for their situation and the right advice could help them through the most difficult times of their life.
So, What are some bad statements that you’ve heard before when it comes to helping someone with depression? Share your responses in the comments below.
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Until next time, this is Tammy saying keep strong, keep positive. And NOTHING’s Impossible!!!
You shared some very helpful tips. I too was once guilty of asking or making bad statements to family or friends who may have been depressed. Sometimes our concerns or care does more damage than we think.
You shared some very good practical alternative questions taht we asked those living or suspected of living with depression. Thanks you for sharing.
Thank you, Kevin. I appreciate you reading my post. It’s all about learning, understanding, and growing 🙂