Family Relationships: How to Set Boundaries That May Protect Your Mental Health

To set boundaries means that you may have hit your breaking point with your family. Setting boundaries tends to take a back seat for most of us when it comes to family. And the longer it does, the more it may have a lasting effect on our mental health.

Why a set of boundaries are important and how to prepare

Boundaries are always looked at as something wrong. And those around you may feel that setting boundaries mean you want to be excluded from their lives. However, boundaries are beneficial to our well-being, and they give us the limitations that we may need with our family.

Setting up limitations means that you’re taking the time to focus on your well-being and mental health. Having that stable balance helps you develop better relationships with some families while understanding when to let go of others completely. They can be both emotional and physical. Boundaries are put into place so that those around you do not drain you.

Here are some ways to prepare yourself for setting boundaries:

Make a list of your needs and expectations

Everyone’s situations are different, so your limits should be centered around you and not others. Take the time to sit down with yourself to go over what you need from others and make a list of your set of boundaries. This may better prepare you for expressing them to your family by seeing it written down.

Practice saying No

If you find that you’re a people-pleaser, then not saying “No” more often may be the reason why boundaries are a benefit. To get yourself prepared for the conversation ahead, practice saying no more than saying yes. Being able to say no to others when it comes to your boundaries shows your family that you know what you want and are not afraid to say so. Now it may sound a little strange, but practice saying no to yourself in a mirror daily to build up your confidence before the conversation.

Anticipate that there may be backlash

While we hope that the conversation of setting boundaries with the family will go smoothly, we can’t predict what will happen. So, it’s okay to anticipate that the conversation may go the opposite way. Something you may try is mapping out some of the possible outcomes. It may sound like you’re overthinking. However, understanding some other scenarios could help you prepare on a whim how to steer the conversation. And it can also help you stay firm with your decision.

Be available to chat

A spur of the moment to shout out your boundaries to your family as you’re walking by may not be the right way to let them know your needs. A better way to do this is to set a day and time to sit down with your family to discuss your concerns and let them know your limitations.

Ask them when they’re available and if they’re willing to have a meeting with you. And don’t be afraid to let them know what the topic is. Preparing ahead of time gives everyone a moment to think about what’s to come. It may also provide your family time to think about their role and why you are asking for boundaries.

Ways to set boundaries with toxic family members

Dealing with a toxic family member is never easy. They can be difficult to talk to, criticize you regularly and expect a lot from you with little return from them. If you find yourself in one of these situations, it’s the perfect time to set boundaries.

1. Have a sit down

If there’s one thing we all know, it’s that arguing doesn’t get your point across. These types of conversations can lead to backlash and frustration. Instead of spending that time yelling at one another, try having a sit-down. There’s more of an opportunity for everyone to get their point across by sitting down together. And while they may still argue and disagree with you, you’ve made it known what your needs are.

2. Be direct and clear about your boundaries

You want to make sure to be direct when it comes to setting and enforcing your boundaries. Let your family know the changes you need within the relationship in a calm voice. A calming voice can put across a greater chance of a better exchange from that problematic family member.

3. Be assertive about your set of boundaries

We hope that when letting others know our limitations, they will respect them. Yet, with toxic family members, this may be quite the opposite. This is why it’s best to be assertive with your demands for your boundaries. Being assertive in what you want lets them know that you mean business. A lot of the time, your firmness towards establishing these limitations makes for a strong presence.

4. Don’t be afraid to walk away

Talking to toxic people can be rough, and they are often unwilling to see the other side of things and tend to escalate the situation before it can be resolved. Before you know it, you’re doing more yelling about past issues than making your boundaries heard.

It’s not easy to stand your ground with someone difficult to manage. So, if you’ve made your boundaries known and still find that they’re not being met, then don’t be afraid to walk away. Don’t be scared to leave the room if they’re negative towards you.

Walking away from the situation may look like a form of disrespect, but it benefits your well-being and mental health by eliminating those negative encounters surrounding you. And if this has to be something that’s done often, it’s perfectly fine to do so.

Ways to set boundaries with dependent family members

Maybe you’re in a family where members depend on you to help all the time. Being the helpful person you are, helping too much and too often, gives your family members the perception that you’re okay with being available to them all the time.

Sure, it’s nice to help those you love, but you might want to ask yourself, “what tole is it taking on me?” by setting boundaries with co-dependent family members, you’re pushing them to rely more on themselves while giving you the time you need for yourself.

1. Understand your needs

Your needs are just as important as those around you. Whether it’s an emotional or physical boundary you need to set up, looking at your situation and understanding what you want will help you build your boundaries. Think about what you want out of the relationship and your needs in specific situations. And while you may feel like this will hurt those around you, understanding why this is needed will allow you to help out still but not be confined to always helping.

2. Be consistent with your boundaries

Now that you’ve established your boundaries with your family, it’s essential to be consistent. You want to clarify that what you’ve communicated is a new way. Staying consistent starts to build a routine that everyone becomes familiar with. It also sends the message that you are adamant about your decision to set boundaries.

3. Include your family members within your set of boundaries

Although they are set up for your well-being, it doesn’t mean you have to block out everyone completely. Your boundaries are for you. However, it’s also an excellent tool for time management with your dependent family members. By plugging in time for your family within your boundaries, they may still feel included, and you’ll still have the time you need to focus on your well-being.

Conclusion

Setting boundaries with family is essential. By letting them know it’s not about excluding them but allowing the time you need for yourself only strengthens your mental well-being. While some family members may need more drastic measures, other family members will understand just how important this is for you.

So don’t be afraid to put a limitation on your time, and for a change, use it for you.

Until next time, this is Tammy saying keep strong, keep positive. And NOTHING’s impossible!!!