Communication is essential to our well being and words allow us to express ourselves to one another. But with those words also come expressions that contribute to those words and allow us to better read the one or ones we’re communicating with. I’m talking about Social Cues and they go hand and hand with the words that we speak on a daily basis. But what happens when social cues go all wrong.
As an observer of people’s behaviors, I often wondered how most people have developed such good social cues. As a kid, it’s more evident and easier because when you see someone smiling and laughing, they became more approachable and inviting to talk to. And it’s the opposite for when they’re having a frustrating day. But as an adult, there’s so much more to this thing we call social cues because what may look like someone in a good mood could result in a completely different conversation. And what maybe someone in distress could be simply someone asking for a listening ear.
It’s safe to say that I didn’t grow up like the average person. I’ve had my struggles, mainly inner struggles, from a young age, and it’s only now that I’m trying to go through the process of being a part of this society in a more sociable setting at a later age. Something that I should’ve developed during my school years. The basics of social cues have been pretty easy for me. But it’s those awkward moments where a conversation has gone good, dies down and then I don’t know whether to continue on or just simply walk away. Which in my case these days, I’ve 90% of the time walked away. The other 10% was spent standing there awkwardly in silence.
Or those group settings where I find myself finally feeling like I’m in the right mix of people having a wonderful conversation but then find myself on the outside when they turn away or a new person of interest is added to have their own conversation. Do I insert myself back into the conversation or just simply walk away? Walking away in my mind always seems like the greater option. But often leaves me disappointed in myself because, despite the encounter, I’m always left feeling like I’ve done something wrong.
I’m definitely not alone when it comes to this form of communication. There are many who deal with some form of mental illness, weren’t exposed to the traditional group dynamics as a child or lacked the positive role models, and have social skill issues who often times miss that nonverbal cue of a change in the conversation. So what do you do in what feels like the most awkward of situations? Well like everything else in life, I’ve learned that it’s all about trial and error. It’s all about building on each encounter and taking away from that encounter the good and bad points.
What stood out as a positive on your end and what stood out as a negative? What can I improve on for next time? Did I recognize some social cues in our conversation? Think about some of the things from that encounter not as a self-loathing experience because it didn’t go as planned but as a learning session and more importantly a confidence builder. But be sure NOT to overwhelm yourselves with all the wrong questions is something I’ve learned.
Something else I learned about social cues as I’m continuing to improve on myself is probably one of the more difficult tasks and that’s putting myself out there more. Communication is essential to our well being and if you have social anxiety like me then you know how terrifying that can be to randomly talk to a stranger or even someone you’ve started to build a relationship with. That feeling of fear that you may mess up on the words coming out of your mouth or your nerves beginning to erupt inside and all you want to do is run away. Then to add trying to read another person’s body language. Wow, it can all be exhausting.
As scary as it may seem, remember that most of this is in our heads. In order to build a relationship with someone, putting ourselves out there is the main step. Once you’ve communicated with people on an ongoing basis, understanding their body language and facial expressions start to become familiar. So try by observing what the person is doing. If they’re scrambling to get things done or in a rush, this might not be the right time to talk to them.
But if they’re not then you could simply start by saying “Hello” or positively comment on something they’re wearing. This could lead to a good conversation opener. You start to develop the skill of reading a person better, learning when’s the best time to approach someone or not, and make you a stronger communicator.
So as difficult as it is for me and I’m sure for many others in my situation, I think I’ll give this a try. I think I’ll step outside my shell a little more to make some good conversations that could potentially lead to great ones. And maybe just maybe I’ll pick up on those moments as I’ve mentioned above. In the end, you won’t regret it. It’s simply getting over that first hump. So what are some experiences you’ve encountered as far as social cues goes. Comment down below with your story or advice for someone who struggles with nonverbal interactions.
Until next time this is Tammy saying keep strong, keep positive and nothing’s impossible!!!
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