Overwhelming Self-doubt: How to Build a Fearless Relationship with Your Abilities

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While many have that drive to take a leap into the next promotion or relationship. There are those who second guess their every moment. And that second-guessing is known as self-doubt.

There are many situations that can bring on self-doubt within someone. That thought of taking an important, yet unfamiliar step sometimes makes you think “um…. maybe not.” And too many times, those important steps go unanswered.

Why do we self-doubt ourselves

With the endless opportunities that we come across in today’s world, it’s only natural to want to try new things. So why do we do it? Why do we talk ourselves out of something we initially feel we can do?

When we look at it, self-doubt occurs when there’s a lack of confidence, a lack of inner belief. We begin to question our abilities to achieve something the minute we can no longer see ourselves in a role we envisioned. And from that moment, we deem ourselves as unworthy.

Let’s look at two areas where self-doubt rears its ugly head.

Success and self-doubt

If there’s one place where self-doubt runs wild, it’s within our potential to be successful in life. Whether that’s a career or personal self-growth, being successful is what many aim for. Yet there are times when aiming for that success can be detoured because of, you guessed it, other people’s success.

Many of us compare ourselves to others. And that can cause you to take a step back. When I look at my fellow blogging peers, there are times where I get a little discouraged. They’ve accomplished so many things that I have not. And I sometimes compare where I’m at as a blogger to where they are. That’s when my self-doubt sets in.

Seeing someone’s success and accomplishments in a field that you’re in can leave you having those thoughts. Thoughts of not being good enough or being inexperienced. And sometimes what looked like a possibility for you, can quickly turn into a change of heart.

Think about the last time you wanted to try something different. You made the decision to take the beginning steps. And you started to see progress, so you stuck with it. Then you met that one person who took those same steps and went beyond. Do you remember the thoughts you felt either talking to that person or learning about their successes?

You probably had a ton of questions quickly rush through your mind afterward. And all of them questioned your abilities within yourself. Believe it or not, this is a natural thing that occurs in so many, including that person you see as better than you.

It’s how you handle those thoughts that will determine the outcome. Oftentimes, we tend to sabotage ourselves because we doubt our abilities to achieve our own successes. As a self-doubter, I had to learn that everyone’s successes, while they may seem similar, are different.

Relationships and self-doubt

Sometimes self-doubt happens within the closes of relationships. Relationships are built on confidence from those involved in their bond. Self-doubt can set in when someone feels that they don’t bring enough to that relationship.

You may start to feel that the value of the relationship is not evenly matched. And that uneven feeling you may feel is coming from your end. What is not realized is that you may be bringing more harm than good to your relationship.

Self-doubt can bring on added pressure, anger, and negative feelings towards that bond. And unfortunately, if not addressed right away, an end to the relationship.

It can also affect beginning relationships as well. Many times, I’ve had discussions about others feeling they’re not good enough to ask someone out on a date. I’m guilty of it as well. You see someone who you deem out of your league and your mind begins to race through all of the reasons why it could never work.

Matched with whatever anxiety you may be experiencing, that simple desire to talk to them turns into a full-blown scenario of negative thoughts.

It happens to a lot of us. We build up a wall of these thoughts that we see could go wrong when it comes to meeting someone new. And end up not giving it a shot.

But as many will say those empty thoughts shouldn’t stop you. So how do you find the power to deal with those nasty thoughts?

Dealing with self-doubt

There are too many times where we sell ourselves short. We psych ourselves out of taking chances. And we don’t give ourselves the credit that we deserve. Then before we know it, regret sets in years later.

Like with all things, dealing with your self-doubt takes time. And just like all other things, there are some ways to help deal with the need to talk yourself out of a changing situation.

1. Trust your ability

There’s a reason why someone invests the time into learning and growing. And becoming comfortable with your abilities can remove that self-doubt. Embrace your knowledge while still building on your ability to grow.

Here’s an exercise you may want to try. When you feel that you’ve gained growth in your ability to do something, celebrate it. Throw it a small self-party. Give it the acknowledgment it deserves and continue to build on it.

2. Embrace your fears and doubts

We all have them. Sometimes you may put your fear and doubts out there to yourself or others. By confronting them, you’re acknowledging that they exist. And in return, you’re able to deal with the root of it. Even though they may be seen as a negative, it’s perfectly fine to experience them.

When facing something new in life, it’s a natural feeling. So rather than beating yourself up about something that hasn’t occurred, embrace those feelings as what they are.

A good practice you may want to develop is writing down your fears and doubts associated with each situation in a journal. This way you can reflect on how you felt and how you handled it if you experience similar feelings.

3. Stop making excuses

While it may be easy to make excuses for not moving forward, it can be a huge blow to your growth. Excuses only give you reasons not to come out of your comfort zone. And the end result could mean never trying at all.

They are negative feedbacks, used to justify our fears and self-doubt. I recently used the excuse of being inexperienced for not taking the next step towards becoming a freelance blogger. And as comfortable as it was to say it to myself, I knew that in the long run, it wasn’t what I wanted to hear.

An exercise you may want to try would be, for every excuse as to why it won’t work, tell yourself a reason as to why it will. By meeting your excuses with a positive outcome, it can open your mind up to more pros than cons towards your situation.

4. Confide in someone about your doubts

Talking to someone can be a great way to block out some of those self-doubts. Let it all out to a close friend, co-worker, or even a stranger willing to listen. Sometimes that discussion with someone could help you understand what is preventing you from moving forward.

By having another voice listen to your concerns, they can also give you that push you need to get over the hump. Also, maybe hearing yourself tell someone else your thoughts could help you understand where your self-doubt is coming from.

For an extra step, you can try writing down your doubts and read them out loud to yourself. Sometimes the more you hear the things that are stopping you from trying something, may seem ridiculous the more you hear it.

5. Never, ever, compare yourself to others

One of my biggest issues that brought on my self-doubt was comparing myself to others. It is true that everyone is different, has a different path and a different story. While we have a ton of things similar, the paths that each of us takes to get there is always different.

Now it’s not to say you can never compare yourself to anyone, but a good practice to have is to try not to do it on your way to where you’re going. Someone once told me that it’s okay to look at others’ successes as theirs and not a comparison for yours.

A good tip to practice would be to appreciate the successes of others for the moment, then set them out of mind. By putting them out of your mind, they’re unable to linger and cloud your own path to success.

6. Look for validation from within

While it’s great to have validation from others, having it from within is most important. Sometimes we rely on others to tell us whether something is good or not about ourselves. And when we don’t hear what we hope to, it can leave us questioning everything.

By having the validation from within, you start to rely on your abilities to determine what’s good or not. And no longer will you have that self-doubt that comes with relying on others to confirm what you already know.

7. Continue to build on your skills

A good way to begin to turn those self-doubting thoughts around is to continue to build on your skills. Whether those skills are career, relationship, or personal goals, expand on what you’ve already learned. The thing about skills once learned is that they’re yours to master to your ability.

So appreciate your skills as you continue to expand on them. And no one will blame you for looking at others who were once in the same boat as inspiration. A good trick is to take some of their processes as a learning tool for yourself and make it your own.

Conclusion

Self-doubt is in all of us. Some may experience it much stronger than others. But we shouldn’t let it stop us from being the person we envision. From that initial thought of change, you may become overwhelmed with fear of your abilities.

Remind yourself that fear is nothing more than a figment of our imagination. And that you are capable of believing in yourself. Tell me some examples of your own self-doubt in the comments below. Like and share for others to see. And don’t forget to sign up for the newsletter for updates, features, and more.

Until next time, this is Tammy saying keep strong, keep positive. And NOTHING’s impossible!!!